Today saw the arrival of an old timer in me and Michael's place of work, by which I mean someone who worked at the company for more than a year, while the store was in its old location back in Oxford Street, before leaving for other fields of more gainful and perhaps more fulfilling employment.
As I came to understand, this particular individual had been a part of the merchandising department and thus had the, to him, revered job of decorating the two large display windows which he was often fond of adorning with lights, posters, vehicles, and his personal favourite, model figurines he'd built from the kits our store used to stock.
Used to, being the operative words there. After catching a glimpse of what the current state of our merchandise dept. looked like he mentioned how it was an utter shame that in the space of two years interest in good, old fashioned, glue and paint models had decreased to zero. Seeing nothing but the standard snap together, pre-painted, pre-decaled type of ships and figurines that all other toy and hobby shops stocked he commenced with a rather tear ridden explanation of how a whole generation of kids were having their artistic skills and abilities of self expression, both of which can apparently only be enhanced upon by sitting down and spending several weeks on an Aliens Drop Ship or Klingon Bird of Prey, choked by the abundance of mass produced, already assembled products. Having said his piece he then placed the entire blame on the nefarious likes of McFarlane ToysÔ and other such contemptible companies who have the audacity to sell highly detailed sculptures and the like which come with all the parts and markings perfectly in place and thus pander to the inherent human desire to garner beauty without doing any work.
Certainly with the current addiction to cosmetic surgery, botox, diet pills and the like there is a certain degree of truth to this argument. We all yearn to possess something that to our minds is perfect, yet at the same time we all acknowledge that we're frankly crap at trying to achieve perfection and thus it'd be better if someone else did it for us.
Of course, this in turn gives rise to the whole other side of the argument: that people don't buy glue and pain kits anymore because they don't want to have waste days on end cleaning up bits of newspaper that have been glued to the floor, or curse themselves silly when a wheel strut snaps as you try to fit it into the tire, or try to stick a decal on and then have it rip as you lift it off the sheet, or spend countless amounts of pounds on paints that aren't actually the right shade but can be if you're willing to devote an entire evening to mixing, lightening, chucking, spilling, cursing, cleaning up and then passing out from sniffing the fumes of the paint thinner. (I admit that last one may have just been me, but it's still a fair point).
The fact is model building is something for people who enjoy the challenge of trying to create something. Something which may or may not turn out the way nature intended but will still stand as a tribute to all of the hard work. As for the other group of people, who're interested only in acquiring something that'll pander to their inner child's want for a bright, perfect, and utterly ridiculous piece of memorabilia adorning their room…well they're obviously going to opt for the stuff that'll save them all the blood sweat and tears. And from what our sales records and comments have demonstrated recently, it's no contest who's the majority in terms of overall population.
Apologise to all model builders out there who, like our former store employee, may feel they've been let down by the cult memorabilia market. Come the dawn tomorrow I shall raise my S&B mug to you in tribute and hope that somewhere, in the vast expanse of the world the hobby shops and toy stores around London will still keep your fire alive.
And now back to Mike's normally scheduled newsies….

I know it's a tad sad that I should get so excited to see celebrity types in the shop, but I can't help it. At Thorntons, the perk of the job was icing on chocolate, at this place, it's the signings and celebrity shoppers.
This particular customer, I recognised her face but I just couldn't put a name to the face. She greeted me with the biggest, warmest smile and was so bubbly I couldn't help but glow just a tad. It was only when I saw the name on her credit card that I realised who she was and glowed that bit more. I should have told her my name really, but meh. After asking for another signature (me, not her) and reverted back to my werido, eccentric self, she left.
All I can say is cheers Neve!
Also Terry Pratchett popped in to sign his new book. It's about winter and stuff and looks like it might be a cracking read. Possibly. So, after nabbing a few signed books and subtly leaving another book behind in the off chance he'd sign that too, I have a collection for our resident Newsies journalist Lupus. So, yeay for me.
To celebrate my emergence from depression and into a sunnier disposition, I bought some Fruit Jellies and shared them around with all my workmates. I actually said to a group of workmates, "I've just been spreading my jelly all around this shop!" which was followed by a manic gleam in my eye.
After a moment of uncomfortable smiles, one of them said, "You dirty -"

NEW VOLUME! NEW VOLUME!
Well, of sorts...
Why the change? I'll tell you.
As some of you may not know, there's a very naughty button on the side there that says "Don't Click". This has been showing the new look for Steve & Bob for a long time now. A big yellow site with Steve on the site and a transparent volume on the side.
Needless to say I was excited by the new look. Many people have complained that they can not view the site so this new look would resolve this problem. There was a problem though. The regulars didn't like it. They prefer the current look.
So, now I have a lovely looking site that I won't be using and a fresh looking Volume that people will never use.
Until now.
After some giggery and indeed pokery, I've put the new elements of the volume into this site. The result is above and I love it! But let me know what you think!
Sign my guestbook and let me know what you think! Until then, I'll just glow at the new look and stroke my face as the site is reflected from my gleaming grinning nashers.

Your problem isnt that you have talent. It's that you THINK you do.

You don't draw well. You cannot write a joke to save your life. Your characters dialouge is akwardly worded and hard to imagine somone actually speaking that way.

That aside, my point wasnt even that it is a crappy cartoon. My point was that I don't think there is a single person on this board who doesnt know the URL to your freaking website. I know I am not the only one who has noticed your desperation. Here's a hint. Advertise in multiple places. Not the same place a few hundred times in slighly differant sometimes thinly veiled ways.

Also you need to look deep within yourself and find the strength not to let others influence your thoughts. If making note of somthing obvious is enough to shake your self confidence and riddle you with doubt, then god forbid somone actually set out to try and break you. The consiquences could be dire.

"Oh BRILLIANT!" was the first thing I said this morning.
The postman had sent me a package with the things I had been waiting for. Two custom made S&B mugs and a specially designed Steve & Bob t-shirt! It's called my "Steve & Bob Riot T-Shirt" and it's a mix of characters being rebellious and quite naughty in general. As for the mugs, I got one for Happy100 and one for a friend of mine. Good thing they arrived today as it was his birthday.
I travelled to Kentish Town armed and ready with gifts and a card. I had uploaded a whole load of new songs on my mp3 player so the travel ther would be much shorter. I arrive and the shop has a mini flood in the back. I wished him a happy birthday and he said to me, "But it's not my Birthday."
My heart sank.
"But you said that 11th of October was your birthday."
"No I didn't."
"I remembered it because my Mum's Birthday is the 11th of November!"
And I could tell that something twigged. "Well I must have lied then."After walking back to Wood Green to see a film, we sat down and had something to eat. I've been very, very hungry lately. I don't know if it's the weather or something, but I have the desire to eat all the time these days.
We chatted for a bit about this new venture he's going into when I caught my reflection in the window. I forgot I was wearing my new Steve & Bob t-shirt. So I asked him what he thought.
"Would you get a t-shirt like this?"
"No."
"Oh. Would you give it to a friend?"
"No."
"Would you give it to an enemy?"
"No. I just don't like printed t-shirts. Would you have prefered it if I lied?"
"Yes I would!"
I don't know. I just don't understand people. And sometimes, I wonder why I bother.

It's that time again. Yes, that's right...
Phew! That was fun! Ooh I'm sweating! etc, etc...

Oh yes, Gallery Time. Here are some photos and some stories behind the photos that are very pretty and that...

Wobbly Mushroom: Lets-a-go! Yes, I bought a wobbly mushroom. Super Mario would be proud of me. It's a solar powered thingy that you put on your monitor. When the sun hits the solar power thing, it starts dancing. Wobbling even. I've yet to see it dance, but when it does, I'll be the first one there with a camera and everything. Curious storry actually, as I was putting stuff out into the shop, I discovered a Goomba on the floor and accidently stepped on it. Imagine my surprise when it vanished and a number 100 appeared over my head!

Steve & Bob T-Shirt: Riot! This is the very first glimpse at the brand new and very fashionable Steve & Bob T-Shirt. It's blue, pink and white and has all the main characters including a giant Bob. Why is Bob so enourmous? Well, the theme is Riot and personally, I think Bob is the most rebellious of the lot so he should be huge. I'm coming up with other new and different designs but if you're interested in this t-shirt, e-mail me. YOu can find my e-mail in the contacts page if you're curious. Cheers!

Deviant Art : Melzy. Melanie Nicol's Deviant Art Page! I recommend that everyone go there and see it straight away. Those of you who have read the guestbook will know her as ninjabitchonfire. The kung fu loving lass who likes ninjas and swords and that. The photography is fantastic and the artwork is even more so. It's all ruddy fan-dabby-dosy.

Yesterday I was at a store and I discovered VIBRATING SNOWMEN! I'm recently in the habit of checking out the Christmas displays (even though I despise Christmas) for the purpose of finding snowmen (snowmen paraphernalia being somewhat more prevalent during the holidays).

So there's this pair of snowmen attached together by a string. If you pull them apart, one of the snowmen begins to vibrate, the string shortens, and so it moves towards the other. When they are close enough together, the magnets underneath their smiles click together and their carrots cross!

Needless to say, I bought them.

What is the point of this? Well, my lovely Hairy Gorgeous wanted me to submit some rantings for his Newsie Bits... and what better to rant about than my VIBRATING SNOWMEN?

(I'm sending them over to you in the mail, darling. I just hope I don't wear out the batteries beforehand.)

In other news, I would like to express my admiration for the new Steve & Bob T-shirts, and my hope that the mafia snowman is featured on one of them.

I'd like to apologise in advance to all those people who, after a bit of a strange cliffhanger on chapter 25, have been eagerly awaiting chapter 26, for the long delay. I knew it would take me a long time to get this one started as it is totally different from everything else I've done so far in the strips.
I'd like to say I'm well into it now but to be totally frank, I've just finished the first one. Yep, the first one. A combination of severe writer's block and work has stopped me from doing more as well as the intimidating task of doing something new and how to approch it.
So, I really wanted to apologise to everyone waiting for it. Thanks to everyone for voting for S&B at buzzComix and for the lovely fan mail I get in my e-mails! I'd never before thought I'd ever get fanmail before!

Summer has faded away. Wave farewell to summer. Bye-bye...
Wait, what's that I see?
Is it a snowflake?
Is it two?
Well **** me, it's ****ing thousands of the *******s!!!
This can only mean one thing. The snowman invasion has started! The ruler of men with big snowballs will covet the earth and spread forth her army of light fluffiness!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's Alex's birthday!
Long time web friend, ex-forum master and general gorgeous lass has turned twenty one again and to celebrate, I have created a special snowman skin for Steve & Bob!
It's only temporary JUST for the birthday girl who is fanatical about her legion of darkne- er, snowmen!
To celebrate, why not have a carrot? Why not have two? As the snowman outside your door.
There will be a snowman outside your door.....

Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know, He's in the best selling sho-oooo-ooow, Is there life on Maaaaaar-aar-aaaaarrr-ar-aaaarse?
No is the short answer to that.
Is that the end of my Newsies? Would my ego allow me to let it go and move on with my life? Never! But my point is about aliens. I have recently watched a documentary about aliens living among us. It's got conspiracies; it's got recreations, it doesn't have Brian Blessed but it's fab all the same.
At this point, I'd give you a link to the film in question, but, erm, it's not on the web.
So why am I still rabbiting on about it? I guess it's better then rabbiting on about the drudgery and misery that is my existence and suicidal tendencies. I suppose that would in theory make a better and interesting Newsie Bits article, but that is not what the Newsie Bits is about! It's about Aliens, helicopter pencils, octopi and Gabby Roslin!
So imagine my relief when I see something that doesn't take itself too seriously about aliens meandering around Uxbridge University! Finally something to smile and laugh about!
Anyway, cheers for a very good mate who lent me his tape and hopefully I'll be able to bring it back in one piece. Actually, he should feel grateful for two pieces...

I tell thee, working in London, wooh, there's lots of celebrity types there! Yesterday, one came in the shop and today, I saw one literary walking on the actual pavement!
Amazing isn't it?
Don't answer.
Thursday brings a promise of hordes of people coming in to buy the latest comics as today is their official release date. I had planned to wear my S&B t-shirt just to advertise it to all the eager comic buyers out there but it was in the wash. I'll wear it tomorrow...
I'm proud of my artwork. I'm knowledgable enough to know it's not the best out there, but I'm proud of the work that's been done and that it's still going. T-shirts is one venture I'm very enthusiastic about but another someone proposed to me was greeting cards.
A friend of mine proposed that I make some designs for some new greeting cards as he was starting his own buisness venture. Needless to say I was over the moon and it took several text messages to get this message accross. We met up and I did some drawings and I came up with one idea that I really liked. A character that was cuddly and not too compitant, but could aspire to do great things. Something everyone can relate to.
After a few weeks, my friend said printing cards would be difficult so he asked me to draw them individually on the actual card and then sell them for around three pounds each.
The first thing that struck me wrong about this idea was that I'd have to draw and colour in each individual card. It takes me forever just to finish a strip these days, especially with work at the comic shop, never mind a card. So the effort would have to be extraordinary.
The second was that this would be original artwork. Even though I'm not a famous artist, I am an artist and I can't just sell my original art work willy and indeed nilly. I have to keep the original pieces because they are more valuable then a few crummy pounds.
Others could create prints of this original artwork and sell them for double the price and for using less quality paper or ink. I'd have no control over what happens to it next.
I know I'm no Monet (I can't tolorate painting flowers) but it's a poor buisness idea to give away original artwork like that and it's also quite disrespectful to the artist too.
Some people find it debateable whether cartoons is art, but art can depict something controversial or relevant to the times or something universally understandable and timeless. That and comics have been around for ages.
I dare you to pick up issue 4 of the Civil War comic or Kingdom of the Wicked or anything inked by Jim Lee and tell me it's not art. A lot of love has gone into those stories and telling stories is a fundemental need for us human folk.
So art it is.
And that's that.
So I won't be making cards after all but I will be wearing my lovely t-shirt a lot and I'll be coming up with some new designs for new ones too. Chapter 26 is coming along nicely. And by coming along nicely, I mean I'm actually finishing them now largely thanks to the support from a few new fans!
Thanks for reading and remember, when you draw some art work and it's good and you feel proud of it, don't sell yourself too cheap! Give 'em hell!

Keeping in the spirit of the changing skins, I have decided to change the Steve & Bob skin again from snow capped mountains to an eerie halloween themed skin.
It'll only last for a few days so relish it while it lasts. As soon as I can figure out how to switch between skins easily, I'l add some buttons so people can customise this page to however they see fit. If anyone knows how, feel free to e-mail me via contacts page.
Until then, enjoy the new spooky goings on of S&B skin!

Now seems a good time to say that Steve & Bob isn't the centre of my universe. To assume that I have an entire universe instead of a world like most normal people may seem a bit big headed, but hey, I don't care!
Most people may not know, Steve & Bob was a side project. I only started the strips because I had writer's block. "Writer's block?" I hear you cry (humour me). Why yes, before I this site I was working on a project called Burnsbury.
It was a series of screenplays charting the life and times of a delinquent adolecent called Dick Archer. The first script saw him get expelled out of a secondary school every year. The story starts when he enters Burnsbury Secondary School.
The problem with doing screenplays is that you really need an agent in order to get them seen. Thus the joy of having an online comic strip. It's instant and most importantly, no one can fob it off as their own.
But I've been urged by friends to show my Burnsbury stuff online and thanks to the glory that is Deviant Art, people can now view things that I have done that are not related to the middle aged dog and mouse team (although on occassion, Dick would wear a t-shirt with Steve's face on it).
So, have a look, feel free to leave feedback and see that I'm not really a one trick pony.
Honest.
I'm more of a horse really...
DeviantMike

My nickname at work is Woody. It's not because of anything remotely naughty in spite of my insistence that it should be. It's because I remind people of Woody Allen.
Nothing to be ashamed of really. He's a hugely respected comedian and has loads of money. I wouldn't mind that. But I think they were referring more to my mannerisms.
I can't help agreeing. I do feel awkward talking to people (which doesn't bode well for a cashier), I mumble a lot and apologise even more so. Personally, I think it's an overall feeling of inadequacy.
Everybody at work knows so much more about comics or books or the art toys or anything else really and I don't. I think it's fair to say that I am learning at a steady pace but I always feel ten steps behind everyone else. The new guy knows more about comics then me. I can't help feeling like a constant newbie.
It would be unfair to say all this against the people I work with because they are all so nice. HONESTLY! Whenever I'm in trouble they always help. Some grumble a bit more then I'd like but I feel safe in the knowledge that there is at least someone more knowledgeable then me. Well, I say someone, I mean everyone.
I've spent so much time doing the practical side of comics, I forgot to do the research and re-reading all my old stuff, well, it makes me feel woefully inadequate.
Not that I feel the comics are bad (I do love my comics) but because I know enough now to know that I don't know what I'm getting into. If that makes sense.
Rest assured, I will struggle onwards with my inner demons. Even if it makes me known as Woody to others. Well, I'll be remembered for that at least. And an artist at most.

"Excuse me!" I said, "You left your phone!"
The man looked at me wide eyed, looked back, there were plates stacked up and lo and behold, his abandoned phone.
He walked past, nabbed his phone and said, "Thanks for that!"
My friend promptly put his chop sticks down and said, "Well spotted."
We continued to natter on about life and love as the carousels shifted numerous plates of food around the large table for today was the first day, in my entire life, that I had sushi.
I didn't know raw fish could actually taste so good, I was so surprised. Maybe it was the hunger or maybe it was the good company, but I had a really good night.
Chop sticks? Pah! Easy peasey! Well I say that, it took me a while to get used to them. The most embarressing moment was when I ate the green beans whole. My friend indicated patiently that you needed to pop them out and not eat the skins. At this point, my face redded and I just giggled.
After spending so much time feeling alone and a tad depressed (damn self involved disease!) it was so nice spending the evening with a damn fine friend, trying something new and making a wally of myself.
That and the chocolate moosse was superb!
I only had one question though; "How the hell do you eat chocolate moosse with chop sticks?!"

What in tarnations is going on here Candice? My-oh-my, it's them friendly folk of the in-ter-net and they have their clothes on. Wonders do cease. (Spits in a metal bowl).

Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Today, I wanted to talk about trailers as there seem to be a few about that are making me excited and I fancied talking about them. It's my newsies, I'll do what I like with it, I rule my domain, I do indeed rock...
Trailer Number One : 300
No, not 9000 but 300. Another Frank Miller film that looks overly flamboyant and very shiny. As far as I'm aware, it's about a bunch of Greek blokes, running around, shouting, looking angry and beardy and just generally oozing machismo. Like I said before, the trailer is very shiny and you can see the connection between this and Sin City.
I mention this film because the graphic novel seems to be selling exceptionally well since the trailer came out. I've pretty much asked every single customer if they have seen the trailer and they have given me a satisfied nod, usually followed but, "It's the nuts."
Mmmm, walnuts... Anyway, here's the trailer...
Linkie 300ie
Trailer Number Two : Twilight Princess
In quite a stark contrast to 300 we have the new Zelda game. I'm not sure if it's ironic that this has more computer effects then 300 and is far more subtle.
Being a bit of a Nintendo fan, I have Wario's manic laughter as a text alert on my phone. I am that sad. I love Zelda. Link's Awakening was the first Zelda game I ever played. It was on the old and grimy Game Boy but it was such an involving game! I really cared about the story and wanted to know why there was a giant egg on a mountain on this mysical island.
Don't even get me started on Ocarina of Time...
Or Majora's Mask... Oh boy...
But this new game looks like, and I quote, "The nuts" and I just was to stoke it and possibly rub it against myself.
I've said too much.
Trailer for The Twilight Princess. It is nice.

And that's how we folks do reviews in the South y'all! I'd like you to meet my wife and my sister, and heeeeeere she is!
Too much?

This whole zombie thing seems to be getting out of control. I blame Simon Pegg, he inflicted us with them by making a film about them. Not only that, he made the film good! Git!
So, I was minding my own buisness, serving customers, contimplating life and the sheer lack of purpose of it when a man comes up to me with a whole load of zombie comics.
Nothing unusual there.
One of the covers are delightfully tasteless with a mother and two children eating severed parts of a baby.
Once my sudden craving for veal subsided, the customer handed me a blood splattered card (tastes like stawberries) and said, "Look at that, it's great." So I have and thus the newsies about zombies.
If you like scary zombies with blood and brains and all that stuff, head on over to his website. It's great. Yes I did give him a piece of paper with my website, but that has nothing to do with it. Go, flee! But it's not for the weak hearted.
Obviously.

My Prince has turned into a wraith! I killed Kaileena and I thought the game would end, but it keeps going on and on (not that I'm complaining) and I keep thinking, shouldn't it end already? But no, it just goes on and on...

This reminds me of an essay I wrote in Grade 9 about my ideal mate. I should have just printed off a picture of the Prince and handed that in. My teacher surely would have given him ten out of ten.

.....oops, I mean ME. She would have given ME ten out of ten. *cough*

In other news, my gel pens are drying up due to lack of use. As MHG will soon discover.

I am currently reading a book called 'Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell' which is exactly what Harry Potter would have been like if Jane Austen had written it. The first few pages has oodles of good reviews...all of which lament the fact that it's only 800 pages long. I've been reading steadily and I've only just gotten past the halfway mark. Out of curiosity, I checked the page count the other day. It's 1006. Humph.

I never realised just how bad I am at games until I decided to play Super Smash Bros Melee again. Trust me when I say, deleting all the unlockables when starting again is a troublesome thing when you've forgotten just how bad you are at a game.
Since I am having Wii cravings that'll make Eric Cartman blush, I have been looking at trailers and discovered a new one for Super Smash Bros.
Linkie...
New characters like Snake, skinny Samus and Wario will no doubt bring new players to the game but I couldn't help thinking, what new characters would I add if the power was given to me?
So, here is my list.

Magikoopa : It's about time this wizard made his mark on the game. He's got a wand, he's got a brilliant voice (in Tetris Attack that is) and he can ride a broomstick. What more do you want?
Daria : Unlikely character to put in a fighting game. The MTV character would certainly make me want to buy the game coz I'd be curious to see what her fighting technique would be. Maybe she could throw insults at characters...
Thelma Bates : I couldn't do a favourites characters list without mention Hex. My favourite TV character of all time needs to have some physical form. Or maybe she could attack her enemies in their dreams.
Kate from Lost : Serial killer on the loose! She's good at tracking, evasive and dangerous. Okay she gets kidnapped a lot, but hey, who in that show doesn't. Either her or Locke, it's a tough call.
Lara Croft : Obvious one this. Well, if they can have a human character like Snake and retro characters like Pitt and Mr Game & Watch, then the busty millionairess should make an appearance.
Shaun (of the Dead) : Weapon of choice, cricket bat! How could you resist the Fighter's Stance with the phrase, "Cock it" at the end?
Cartman : Tom Selleck look a like is perfect, especially if you have an option to be the policeman Eric.
Hermione : I would have said Harry Potter, but I think a lot of people wouldn't mind whacking Hermione. Imagine turning your opponant into a china tea set...
Homer : Need I say more? Any excuse to have a Nuclear Power Plant as a fighting ground.
Rich & Eddie : Bottom's finest. With more cricket bat action, ram rading boozers and falling down stairs, they may actually be the worst characters you can play.
Tank Girl : You just KNOW she'd be a great fighter. She could summon her tank or Jet/Sub Girl any time and there'd be plenty of booze for everyone.
Pious Augustus : Evil Roman Dude from Eternal Darkness is one of the best Video Game creations ever. He'd make a truely horrendous fighter so I vote for him.

That's my wish list. I would have added some more computer game characters, but, I've never really liked Sonic. Also I tried to think of a lot more women as the game is seriously lacking them. Princess Peach is far too prissy for my liking.
If my dreams do come true and these characters would miraculously appear in the game, then that would make it well worth the buy. Okay, I'd still suck at it, but by God I'll give it my best shot!
Ah, of course! God!

What in the name of Bulletin Bill is he talking about?
Well, I have just signed up to be part of a big display type thing. EXHIBITION! That's the word!
In a spontanious move, I've decided to just join this thing to help promote Steve & Bob (mainly) and to see other webby people too. The people from Weebl and Bob will be there as well as Gosh comics, Noob and Beaver & Steve.
It's all very excited and I've already soiled myself three, that's THREE times since I've added my name to the metaphorical hat of destiny.
Make that FOUR times!
It's happening 17 March 2007 so there's plenty of time to get there. They're selling tickets for three quid and it's happening at The Great Hall, Queen Mary University, Queens Building, Mile End Road, London, UK. So lots of queens...
And you're all invited! As long as you pay for a ticket...
Oh, and you're not to spend your WHOLE time on the Weebl and Bob table. They have two tables, can you believe that? Greedy monkeys!
Crumbs, almost forgot the link!
Linkieeeeee!
Oh crumbs, I have to prepare!
Oh crumbs, I'm talking like Penfold!

As is something of a tradition for me, now that Thanksgiving is over and the yam induced hysteria has begun to dampen, I'd like to look forward a bit and consider one of the more inexplicably rediculous fads that have swept the shops in time for the holidays.

This year what's caught my attention is the increasing number of products that are getting fitted with novelty voice chips. Literally, it seems every week there's some new fangled peice of cheap annoying plastic that'll spew an equally cheap and annoying catchphrase every time you ever so much as get within eight feet of it.

Here's what I've spotted so far of things that perhaps might be better off being left as silent:

1. The Simpson's bottle opener (has Homer cheering like a rabid baboon if you try opening anything with it, and can't really handle anything besides the small size caps).
2. Dalek coffee mug (screams 'Exterminate!' every time you pour in a hot drink, thus ensuring you'll probably be off coffee completely within a week.)
3. The Doctor Who TARDIS trash can. (disposing of any household rubbish means you have to listen to the dematerialising sound for several minutes, and then find your garbage has not in fact conveniently disappeared so you still have to empty it)
4. The Transformers Tooth brush (Peter Cullen tells you to "Transform and roll out!" every time you clean your teeth. No, I don't see the relationship either)
5. The Little Britain pen (a lot of these various themed pens in circulation but this one stands out for most liable to cause strange looks if used in a public place. Especially if you happen to click it while it's on the "insane screeching" or "Emily Howard" recordings)
6. The Godzilla plush toy (makes the King of Monsters sound like he has severe bronchitis with its roar, and comes equipped with two light up eyes that could possibly look impressive if they weren't sealed in opaque plastic bulbs).

Anyone got any others they'd like to share?